In the sad event that a child’s health continues to deteriorate, parents and school staff members should discuss ways the school can be supportive during the child’s final days. Fellow students need timely and appropriate information about their ill classmate so they can deal with her declining health and prepare for her death. The following are suggestions about how to prepare classmates and school personnel for the death of a student:

•  The school staff needs to be reassured that death is not likely to suddenly occur at school.

•  Staff needs to be aware that going to school is vital to the child’s well-being. School staff members should welcome and support the child’s need to attend school for as long as possible.

•  Staff can design flexible programs for the ill student.

•  It is helpful to provide age-appropriate reading materials about death and dying for the ill child’s classmates, siblings’ classmates, teachers, and school staff, and opportunities for discussion.

•  Extraordinary efforts should be made to keep in touch when the child can no longer attend school. Cards, banners, videos, texts, emails, telephone calls, and webcam or conference calls from the entire class or individual classmates are good ways to share thoughts and best wishes.

•  Classmates can visit the hospital or child’s home, if appropriate. If the child is too sick to entertain visitors, the class can come wave at the front window and drop off cards or gifts.

•  The class can send books, video games, or a basket of small gifts and cards to the hospital or home.

•  The class can decorate the family’s front door, mailbox, and yard when the child will be returning home from the hospital.

All of the above activities encourage empathy in classmates, as well as help them adjust to the decline and imminent death of their friend. The activities also help sick children know they have not been forgotten by teachers, friends, and classmates, even if they cannot attend school.

When the child dies, a memorial service at school gives students a chance to grieve. School counselors or psychologists should be available to talk to the classmates to allow them to express their feelings. Parents usually very much appreciate receiving stories about their child from classmates.

My son Zachary has been out of school for over a year. Zachary received a stem cell transplant for his neuroblastoma, and school has not been an option for him in the months afterwards. He is taught by a teacher provided by our county for “homebound” students. She’s great, and Zach is ahead of the regular second grade curriculum.

Date

Dear [Name of Principal],

Our son, John Doe, [date of birth], a student at [name of school], was diagnosed with cancer in [month/year] and had surgery to remove the tumor. He is still hospitalized. He is unable to attend school at this time, and may undergo treatment with chemotherapy or radiation.

We are requesting that a Student Study Team meeting be scheduled with the school nurse in attendance. The purpose of the meeting is to discuss John’s current medical status and how it may affect his school attendance and functioning. John may require accommodations or special education services, and we would like to discuss those options at the meeting. Depending on John’s medical status, we may be able to attend the meeting in person, but if not, we request that it take place by phone.

Please send us the appropriate release forms so that we can authorize an exchange of information between the school and the medical/rehabilitation professionals treating John.

Sincerely,

[Parent/guardian name(s) and contact information]