The easiest way to notify friends and neighbors is to delegate one person to do the job. Calling only one neighbor or close friend prevents you from having numerous tearful conversations. Most parents are at their child’s bedside and want to avoid more emotional upheaval, especially in front of their child. Parents need to recognize that friends’ emotions will mirror their own: shock, fear, worry, helplessness. Because most friends want to help but don’t know what to do or say, they will welcome any suggestions you can give about what might be helpful.

Tell a trusted friend exactly what information you want him or her to pass on and, most importantly, whether you would welcome visits, phone calls, or cards. The more clarity you can provide, the less stress you will experience and the better your friends can support you. If you want visitors, for example, let people know when visiting hours are and whether there are any restrictions set by the hospital (or by you or your child) about who can come and how long they can stay.

Not everyone you know will want or need the same level of detailed information. You may wish to encourage hospital or home visits from your closest friends, but ask others to wait for phone or email updates. However, think twice before leaving anyone off the notification list. Many parents report that individuals they barely knew ended up being some of their most helpful and supportive resources.

It can be helpful to choose a trusted friend or family member to provide information via email, text messages, or social media so that you are not exhausted with repeated phone calls and messages and can focus on your child. You may want to create a dedicated Facebook page that you and your “social director” control, where either of you can post updates and photos. This makes sharing information simple and quick. Consider making it a private page that can only be read and commented on by people you allow, giving you more control over your family’s privacy. There are also dedicated online services such as www.CaringBridge.com, www.CarePages.com, www.LotsaHelpingHands.com, and www.CareCalendar.com that you can use to update friends, family, and supporters, and enlist help with meals, sibling child care, fundraisers, and other tasks. More information is available in Chapter 20, Family and Friends.