As you may be aware by now, September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. This year, I wanted to do something to honor Katelyn and all the people that helped save her life, so I have started training for my first half marathon. I will be running for Team Lemon in the Philly Half on November 18^th in the town that helped save my baby’s life and I am raising funds for Alex’s Lemonade Stand Foundation. Their mission is raise money and awareness of childhood cancer causes, primarily for research into new treatments and cures. Each mile will be dedicated to someone that has truly touched us, either from a treatment standpoint or a fellow cancer patient. Let me explain why I’m doing this:

Life after Katelyn’s cancer has not been easy for me. Once treatment was finished, I suddenly had time to process what we had just been through. It still boggles my mind how difficult motherhood has been for me. I had 20 months to be a normal mom and that’s it. Then suddenly I was tossed into this world of childhood cancer. And now, that’s life…it’s our “new normal.” Now I watch kids that we have connected with over the years continue to suffer through treatment after treatment and read the anguishing words of moms that just want their kid to survive. I watch kids die regularly. I follow stories of kids being transferred to hospice and what their last moments of life are like. I read posts from parents who are attempting to go on with life after burying their child. All of these things takes a toll. I get overwhelmed by survivor’s guilt, as strange as that might be. I wonder why Katelyn survived and others didn’t. I wonder why she has been so lucky. Why does she have no hearing loss? Is it because she will go into heart failure instead? I constantly fear the worst and try my best to keep my irrational thoughts in check. I replay images of the look she gave me the first time we held her down on the table and stuck a needle in her. I remember the words from her surgical report, “Multiple code doses of epi”, knowing that she almost didn’t survive. I can’t forget how many times I cried myself to sleep wondering if I would still be a mom.  All I want now is for life to be nothing but perfect for her. A fellow cancer mom said it perfectly, “All Mom's want to protect their children but having a child with cancer makes it more complicated somehow. I watch how hard this kid fights every day and I want to make sure that everything else in his life is easy for him.” Watching your child hurt isn’t easy for anyone, but when you’ve had to consider their mortality, it makes the pain that much more intense.

So when these thoughts become too heavy for me to hold, I slip on my sneakers and go for a run. It’s what helped me stay strong when Katelyn was sick and it’s helped me work through the intense emotions that come after my very small child has battled a beast that swallows so many.  I’m begging you to help me find a cure. You may have recently seen in the news the FDA’S approval of CAR-T cell therapy for pediatric patient with leukemia. This is an amazing breakthrough that was made possible because of fundraising efforts just like this. Of all the federal funding for cancer research, pediatric cancers only get 4%. That’s why I need your help. I need to do something so I’m going to run more than I ever have before and I figured, why not wait until my 40’s to do the longest run of my life! If my small child can endure as much as she did, I sure as hell can get off my ass and run a little! I hope you will consider a donation, however big or small and help me find a cure. I would also love for you to share this with everyone you can.