Childhood Cancer

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Childhood Cancer Survivors

Anger

In addition to the emotional reactions already discussed, many survivors and their families experience feelings of anger in the years after treatment ends. It is not unusual for survivors or family members to feel robbed of a “normal” life when they experience reminders of the costs of cancer and treatment.

Adolescents who are just beginning to understand the ramifications of physical differences, for example, might feel anger that waxes and wanes as they deal with questions like: “Why did this happen to me?” “When will I just be a normal kid?” “What do you mean this won’t ever really be over with?” Parents, too, might feel bursts of anger as they watch their children continue to struggle with late effects of treatment. One father disclosed, for example, that even 20 years after his daughter’s successful treatment for a brain tumor, he has weeks when he is incredibly angry that the possibility of independent living has been stolen from her, and that he must continue to worry about who will provide for his child when he is no longer able to do so.

It is important to keep in mind that feeling angry is a normal, healthy reaction to the losses caused by cancer. Survivors and their loved ones may feel bursts of anger at times when life changes or developmental demands remind them of the things lost to cancer. Anger may be present at one year or 20 years post-treatment. These feelings may occur alongside other feelings or in isolation. Survivors and their loved ones may even express anger, through behavior such as tantrums or angry, destructive actions.

I think I’m angry more often than I realize. I’ve lost friends, lost experiences, lost abilities, and lost time that I’ll never get back. I didn’t do anything to deserve my cancer, but I still have to deal with the consequences. I also don’t like the idea that childhood cancer survivors should be grateful to be alive. I’m obviously grateful to the doctors and nurses and community members who supported me, but I’m not grateful to the universe for the fact that I survived. The universe dealt me a blow and I’m still standing, but I’m not going to thank it for that. All of that being said, I think it is useful to channel that anger into something more productive. I like to use the emotion I feel to support other causes, because the anger turns into drive and spurs me into action.

 

Anger has been a strange thing for me since being diagnosed. To this day, I am still angry that this happened to me, but I also feel guilty being angry because I often compare my journey to that of others who might have had it worse. It’s an internal battle most days, going between feeling angry and feeling like I shouldn’t feel that way because I am alive and doing fairly well since being diagnosed.

 

Survivors do experience anger and frustration but one must find ways to deal with it. I was constantly irritable because I had a newborn while navigating my 2-year-old through cancer treatment and surgery. I worked very hard not to take it out on hospital staff who were working their hardest to save my daughter’s life. To this day, I still feel anger and frustration but as time passes, I am learning to let go and replace it with gratitude for her life and the people who made my days a little brighter during that very dark time period.

 

I didn’t feel angry about cancer until I was older, reflecting on my childhood and realizing I had mostly memories of hospitals, tubes, and medicine. Knowing that it affected my siblings so much was hard too, realizing that none of us had normal childhoods.

 

As a parent, I really struggle with anger. I am angry at what cancer has done to my child. I even experience bitterness and feelings of resentment towards friends and family who have “normal” healthy children. My daughter was only 6 when she was diagnosed. She is now 12 and doesn’t really remember much about what life was like for her before cancer. I wouldn’t say she struggles with anger about having cancer per say, but one of the long-term effects of treatment is she has huge, angry outbursts over any variety of things. We never know what will set it off.

When these angry periods come up, it may be useful for survivors and loved ones to recognize them for what they are—normal reactions to an unusual life situation––and to share the feelings of anger with supportive friends and family or psychosocial professionals (i.e., therapists, psychologists, etc.). If angry feelings or behaviors get in the way of everyday life or affect relationships, survivors and their loved ones could consider seeking additional support from a mental health professional, support group, nurse, nurse practitioner, or physician. Survivors and their family members have reported that once they feel supported in putting cancer and its inevitable effects in their place, they are able to more comfortably manage the anger without letting it derail them.

Grief And LossWorry, Sadness, And Depression

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